Love/Hate Relationship with CIO

So I have decided I have a love/hate relationship with CIO (cry it out). I hate my baby crying...i even cry when he is crying because it breaks my heart. I would have stopped doing this the first time, but i noticed a difference immediately.

After that first time he cried for what seemed like forever, I would go in 5 minutes, then 6, then 10, then 15. He cried for almost 2 hours on and off. As soon as I would pick him up he would snuggle into me and start sleeping so I KNEW he was exhausted. After that crying fit he went to sleep and slept from 9:40pm until 4:50am! That shocked me...he is over 10 months old and has never slept for more then 3 hours except when he was sick. What was even crazier is he went back to sleep until 8:00 and I actually woke up before him : )

Each day since he has cried for less and less time and he no longer has huge bags under his eyes. When he is awake he cries much less and is so much happier. He is a happy baby and I am a happy mommy. I still cry when he is crying but it's for much less time.  Last night he only cried for 13 minutes before falling asleep!

His nap time has been a little harder, I think because despite the curtains light still gets into the room and makes it harder for him to sleep. However even that is getting better and we got  down to 25 min of crying for today's nap, which is so excited!

Here is a picture of his after he fell asleep. It's not the best but I didn't want the flash to go off and wake him up.




As much as I hate CIO, I love that it has given me back my happy, playful baby boy <3

Cry It Out Sucks!

I hate CIO so much right now. I wish that I had never started. I know I could just stop but I have already come this far in it and I already see improvement. It just breaks my heart hearing by baby cry like that...especially when I know how quickly and easily I can get him to stop. All he wants is to be in his mama's arms.

I have to keep reminding myself that I truly am doing this for him own good. Not because I need a break, to be honest with you listening to him cry like this leaves me sitting here with tears running down my cheeks and my heart broken. I feel horrible...like the worst mom on the planet.

Why am I doing this? Well it is the last resort. We have tried so many other things but our little guy has major sleep problems. He sleeps for about 7-9 hours a day and has since he was born. He is now 10 months old and both him and I are totally worn out, we both even have bags under our eyes...yep that's right my 10 month old has dark bags under his sweet little eyes!

I think there are a few reason's he doesn't get any sleep. Bad habits he has formed since he was born. I feel even worse that I let it go on this long because now he'd older, I keep thinking if I would have done this when he was younger it would have been so much easier on him.

So his first bad habit is nursing to sleep. I hate that this is even a problem at all...I love nursing my baby, I love the bonding and the time it gives us together. I love stroking his hair and looking at his perfect little face...playing with his perfect little fingers. Unfortunately now every time he wakes up even a little bit he wants to nurse...so this means sometimes up to 15 times a night.

If he doesn't nurse to sleep he wants to be rocked in his fisher price rocking/vibrating chair. No not rocked softly, he prefers it to be fast and wants to hear the chair click as it hits the floor...oh and did I mention it has to be in perfect rhythm of he starts crying again. This one is tiring and exhausting, especially when it happens 10 times a night.

To be completely honest if it was just me with bags under my eyes and sleep deprived I would just deal with it and avoid any tears. My sweet boy needs his sleep though, he is miserable when he is awake, he doesn't want to play very much and he is just not himself. I worry that if I don't break him of these habits then he will become sick, and just not be his happy little self.

I truly want what's best for my boy, I cry the whole time he cries...I imagine the things he's thinking, wondering why mommy just wont pick him up and cuddle him. It breaks my heart. I wish there was some other way, I wish he could understand.

 Every time I go into his room to reassure him that it's OK, that I love him it kills me to put him back in that bed. I do because he cuddles into me and within seconds starts falling asleep.  I just want to cuddle him and make everything better again, but in the long run that doesn't solve his sleep problems...and I know he can do this! This is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life, but I will do my very best to stand by my son and help him learn how to sleep on his own because that's what's best for him and that's what I want! So for now my heart will just have to break and my tears will just have to run freely down my face.